Some days, they just start (&end) better than others

Some days, are simply better than others. You wake up (preferably 5 min before the alarm) naturally and you feel rested. You don't obsess about the errands you need to run while waiting for your morning coffee. At that very moment, one should pause and think: its a better day!

You eat healthy that day and may be exercise a little. - exercise may be in terms of taking the stairs instead of the elevator or you go to the gym during lunch. You finish up the 3-meetings-in-a-row run before you know it. Towards the end of the working hours, if you feel like you've completed 80% of your to-dos and you have no emergencies to handle you should feel lucky. 

And if you are so priviledged like me, you may get the chance to play with your mates and laugh a little at the end of the day. When you joke around with your boss and collegues and don't feel stuck in your cubicle. You should take a longer pause and think: it was a better day!

So, appreciate it!

       

What are the freaking odds lan?

Its an absurd sunday. Not even a tiny bit relaxing nor entertaining but an absurd sunday. Kept talking to myself "what are the freaking odds lan?". Its funny how you realize your own patterns and they are shockingly consistent, so perfect for a pattern that, as if its a straight line. 

I found all the interesting things in all the unexpected places with a certain date-tag on them. I just didn't realize until this very sunday which turned out to be quite absurd. I over-freaking-analyze everything but it turns out that its a misconcentration of my energy. Hah! Shit happens..

You're supposed to be somewhat aware of yout first times right? Coz, your memory serves at best on vertexes.Typically, a 1st time of something (assuming the event has importance to you in some sense) its either a good or a bad memory but its always a more significant piece of memory than others. So, why am I not fully aware of the things surrounding a couple of very big firsts of mine? wtf? I must examine.     

It may be a sign of my ignorance and consumption without pausing for a proper moment and think. I can hear GKS saying "Saaaad!".

Realizing my first ofns and the one who clearly doesn't know the meaning of ofns share the same date was hilarious.

Further exploring, I found many other stuff tied together. 


I like reading that girl. I don't usually read girls. Not that I'm politically opposed to or they are rare, its just like Berilate says "the way I are". But I like reading her stuff. Bizarre enough, I always see the lines to connect. But clearly, I was looking but not seeing through. 


As I grasp the gravity of the situation, I couldn't help but "accidentally" saw something else. Forget bizarre, forget peculiar. This is goddamn straight absurd! Very first and evidentally the only proper ofnf share the same date with the king of the right one. 

     

Dates? no dates, colors, stories, not even attitudes, proved to be worthy of my attention before. But, I sure have a pattern. 

First you go like "what are the odds?" then you calculate the odds and find out that this is a time of realization that will stick with you for a good amount of time. Remember the last instance where you realized something? Sure! Quite interestingly, realization is a vivid process. You literally take a step out, see the bigger picture from the top and have a certain feeling of "aaa-ha" possibly accompanied with some either disturbing or rewarding feelings. Then the experience stick with you for good. Its like a roller coster ride. You remember the chill (not so vividly all the time but still always do) when you think of the experience or see something similar. - coz its easy to recognize. 

Soi, realizing the absurdness of this sunday will stick around with its possibly (in the long run) insignificant  learnings.

İyi güldük ama be!

       

I am particularly indifferent today. It may be cause of the relapse of drama back in my life or oldies but goldies run over the weekend. On a second thought, it may be cause of all the partying. I might not be getting "old" in a general sense where you value 40 as the golden years but my metabolism begs to differ. Anyway, I am so not here today. 

 

I literally forced myself out of the bed. "Force" here, my firends, is not used in the sense of Star Wars' force but in a more like a pushing the heavy, suffocating 'morning in bed' temptation with full of regrets. I was expecting to feel like I accomplished a huge deal when I arrived at the office with just 30 min delay, but no, I couldn't find a single fuck to give. It didn't matter whether I fullfilled my responsibilities or not. 

   

Now, right after lunch, which took 10 min since I can't even be bothered to chew anything so I only had soup, please all of you come over here and look at all the fuck I give in terms of performance indicators, end-to-end analysis and the total big picture. You cannot imagine the immensity of indifference I have today. Its enough for all the monthly reports, weekly updates and year-end reviews.

 

i lost my juju, i am bored

As i get off work by 10 pm, i realized i became the most boring version of me. i cancel ski trips due to business reviews, i can't make plans which would require a whole week of vacation, i can't even get a hair cut during the week since no hair saloon is open after 9 and more importantly i don't do anything new on the weekends because i just can't be bothered to(!)
its not that work sucks the life out of me, work can even be energizing since i have good company to play with but i just simply lack the motivation to amaze myself. i just can't be bothered to get out of bed and out of the apartment. i even can't get out of the same application coz i just don't have the urge to explore more.
i stopped asking questions a couple of weeks ago. i am so not interested in the world. my interest and eagerness to explore so than know more have disappeared. one day i woke up and i was alone. its like as if they made plans and exclueded me or i wasn't invited to the same party and simply was left alone at home.
i lost my juju :S
i need that spark of interest and eagerness back in me. i am just not into the world anymore but since i bothered to write about it, its a good sign.
it depresses ne. i am so bored with this whole dull version of my world that i literally am sad.
i reckon it can be a symptom of corporate infection but nevertheless i need to get it over with. i am seriously bored.
i remembered steve jobs talking about the need to change something after waking up for so many consecutive days and feeling unfullfilled. i reckon this satisfies the criteria.
Let the search for change to find some interest in life begin!

[Posted with iBlogger from my iPad]

TV is a drug, a drug that reinforces you to eat

Ed Turner once said: "If we had had the right technology back than, you would have seen Eva Braun on the Donahue show and Adolf Hitler on Meet the Press.". 

TV is like eating when you know you're getting fat in an unhealthy way. You get the satisfaction from eating  that you kid yourself to undermine the fact that its abuse, almost like an eating disorder. It makes you borderline obese and danger your health/life but you somehow manage to like it, watch it more. That shit is freaking toxic but who am I kidding we all have TV Forecast HD on our iPads(?!)

Amazing people I play with

I often find myself being stared at, especially at the office. Coz, I have so much fun while working. It's not like I am one of those over-enthusiactic and over-motivated corporate employees. One can even say I am hard to motivate and therefore work with. - specially when problems repeat which is all the time. But I am so priviledged to have amazing people to work with. Work transforms into play with these guys. They are like my playmates; I laugh with them and enjoy myself and I know its almost impossible to do so in our play ground. I also annoy them when I am annoyed. - I'm not sure whether they would complain or not but I do state whatever's bugging me and force them to recognize that statement. I feel safe, surrounded by people who won't intentionally upset me and whom I feel comfortable sitting next to. And that's pretty amazing!
These two people I work with are so unique and fascinating that I have a huge smile or comfort of some sort whenever I interact with them. I either smile or laugh hard if not stay cool and chilled in piece with them. I enjoy playing with them.
I'm fascinated with this in this moment coz I burned my hand today, during lunch. Around 4pm, I got out of a day-long workshop and finally sit between Haliloglu and ThugLove_ with an empty stomach, T pealed his mandalinas and offered me since I wasn't able to peal them myself. It warmed by heart! Not only sharing his food but also feeding me when I can't eat on my own. Boy, I am amazed.
Than during dinner, O saw me getting in line while he was sitting at the other end and eating. He jumped up and reached to carry my tray for me since I can't hold it still with one hand and put food with at the sametime. Literally, a drop of tear appeared on my eye. I was feeling some sort of gratitude and warmth in my heart. I was double amazed.
Knowing so little about and spending so little time with, yet still, feel so dear and deeply.
So, I get to have my cake and eat it too. I play with my mates at a 8 to 5 basis each day.
I am damn straight priviledged.

[Posted with iBlogger from my iPad]

Okay, that's a coincidence

Just last nite around this time (sadly, I've been working until 10-11 pm lately so I only get to read stuff for myself just before bed) I was reading a post saying that everyone should work in a service job at least once so that they know better about how to treat others when serving them. I had two seperate thought path runing down in my head. One, a cab driver, waiter or sales guy at a shop may be serving me at a certain time but it's beyond comprehension to look down on to them just basing our judgement on their jobs. I'm serving my first line manager and other following lines everyday and if they had patronized me and/or belittled me just b/c I am just a specialist, I would have been very pissed off. I may lack the education and the experience to be in their position but it doesn't make me a lesser person than them. Hence the second thought, no wonder I've always been pretty good with the cleaning ladies at the office, the guy who serves lunch at the cafeteria, the security guys at the office's door and other service job holders in my daily circle. Simply because, I try not to be a judgemental bitch acting superbicthy all the time.

I wanted to write about it but I had the time pressure; knowing that I gotta wake up in a couple of hours my mind starts playing its sick tricks on me.

Tonite, I had a 45min conversation with my company's private driver who was taking me home since its after 10. - best perk ever, definitely better than free drinks and chocolate at the office.
It was more of a theraphy for him and counseling practice for me but it was okay. It was late and I wanted to home already but I felt good about sitting in the car listening to his complaints. We talked about cars (engine capabilities to be exact) than somehow he ended up critisizing company policies. He than jumbed into talking about employees who treat him like they owned him. It's such a shame that my close circle is full of people who the guy from last nite's post was trashing.

Our occupation tells so much and so little of ourselves. Like in the preacher's talk at Ted, what we do for a living says so many things about our influence and affulence and gives responsibility. But also in the sametime, It's not even close to signifying our networth.

People should have bare minimums, minimums of respect and emphaty in daily life which comes from within. Don't you have?? You have a certain understanding about life that is constructed by your experiences only. So judging people and acting upon that judgement prior to any course of action with those people is damn wrong. You know that your are biased and probably making a mistake. Have a little self-respect and spare a minute to think about your prejuidices and misconducts in order not to make those horrible mistakes.You might have a chance of not becoming a total bitch and perhaps have a chance to be a decent person at some point.

[Posted with iBlogger from my iPad]